Drama = Relationships

Any relationship, be it:

friend
girlfriend
best friend
friend of friend
brother
son
cousin
coworker
etc

Is rife with drama and irritation. I honestly believe people develop to bring malice and depression upon each other. We really are like a virus. Feeding off the negativity and misfortunes of others to bring ourselves up, or use those misfortunes against that person. It is pathetic, and I would be a liar if I didn’t say I did the same thing. However, such is life. And the terrible circle of it continues.

Alas, I can do nothing except ‘rage against the machine’, so to speak.

The Real World

As the saying goes: Lifes a Bitch, Then you Die. Too true. Props to that.

Sitting around, listening to A7x, pondering whether to play L4D2, or Everquest 2. Haven’t played EQ2 in awhile. Need to login.

My presence won’t be ignored, no not today
Don’t walk in my direction, turn the other way
(don’t look my way for help,
from the beginning you came to me)
Asking questions, predetermined answers,
you won’t find them here (we don’t want your opinion)
And I don’t want you, I won’t let you think,
compromise is near. ‘Cause it’s not near.

Avenged Sevenfolds lyrics can be a bit angsty, but otherwise it is good, heavy stuff. And when I’m in an anti-government mood, Rise Against is great. Lyrics you can relate to.

so look in my eyes, what will you leave behind once you’ve gone? (so precious)
you got what you came for now I think it’s time to move on (when will you say)
but these ghosts come alive like water and wine
walk through these streets singing songs and carrying signs,
to them these streets belong

my atonement lasts the best part of eternity (eternity)
ran out of hands to count the sin that breeds inside of me (inside of me)
not this hate but the loneliness has left me here into this mess of

my hands are soaking in the blood of angels
on broken wings, they collapse (will I see the break of day!)
dark clouds exploded and torrents of rain fell
all these lost halos wash away

Thats enough lyrics for now, I believe. Hmm… I don’t really understand why marijuana is still illegal. But it doesn’t strike me as something surprising. Big business wants it that way. They are so against the idea that one single plant could replace tobacco, crude oil, and hazardous by-products of manufacturing by using the entire plant in several different ways. If you wish to read up on that, here;
NORML’s Articles
Lycaeum’s Article

That’s all for now.

Indecision, Choices, and Observations; Under the Influence

Honestly. I don’t think it is wise to achieve the next level, then go online with a credit card and attempt simple browsing. Or surfing. Or such.

I end up: cancelling my runescape subscript, almost spending 60+ a month to buy a website I will never, ever probably use. But that is the dangers of such things. One must not be swayed or misdirected towards the un-healthy and impure philosophies behind consumerism.

At this tires me. I get hungry, then sleepy. The cycle will begin again anew tomorrow.

Hard Decisions

I guess I’ll start blogging more. Considering the fact that I don’t really have any other outlet anymore. I did make a hard decision today. An even harder decision to stick by. I guess I shall see what comes of it.

I have been playing Everquest 2. If any of my 3 readers plays, my ingame name is Bauheel. In the guild Lux Aeternum. But at any rate. Such is life.

I get my Blackberry tomorrow. I can honestly say I’m pretty much done with my iPhone. I don’t like touch screens. Love the device, except for the fact it IS a touchscreen. The technology is grand otherwise. As for upcoming information… Hm… Dunno really. Haven’t had much. Work this week. Of course. I only have Saturday off. Then it’s 5 days straight again. But I do have Xmas, and that weekend off. So I think it works well. I do get paid Friday. It’ll be green day. *hint*

That is perhaps it. I do have my Xmas present to myself: A 24″ LCD HD1080p computer monitor that doubles as a TV (TV tuner included FTW). I still have a small Xmas present list remaining. It kinda hurts my heart to think about why it went from 5 people remaining to 1. But everyone must live with the decisions they make in life. Even if it hurts horribly, and you feel empty on the inside.

—————

Dark

Striving for light, falling short in despair
Fingers bloodied, ambitions dashed
Yearning for love, finding self-contempt
Heart broken, choking tears
Forever shadowed

Sickness

I honestly hate being sick. Especially when there is no fever to at least hint me in the right direction. But I know it’s not just me. Other people at my office have the same symptoms; no fever, but nausea, diarrhea, dizziness, headache and fatigue. So I’m not alone at least.

It sucks. I have to sit a certain way to feel okay. Otherwise I must lie down.

———–
Sickness

Warm and slick
Choking, slimy blanket
Twisting, turning, waltzing in the haze
Gagging, groaning, moaning
Sleep and dreams, dark and soft
Virus, antibody
Falling in the depths

A Dream

Well, considering it is before work, I’d like to just sit right here and type for a moment.

Woke up from a dream where the world was inhabited by zombies and ninjas. And both were after me. Managed to kill one by stabbing him with his own darts. Trippy. On another note, I see after my blog last night, the alleged 9/11 ‘MASTERMIND’ is up for trial in New York today. A bit nonchalant if you’d ask me on the part of our wonderful CIA/FBI/NSA. Kinda pathetic we have to have 3 agencies that pretty much do the same thing. At least CCCP had it together. They just used the KGB to do all the dirty work. And the KGB did it right. As for current going-ons, I don’t really know. I’ve been out of the groove for the last few days, and honestly don’t know whats new in the world. Sometimes it feels good to not know. Other times it doesn’t.

My iPhone has become my best friend really. I’m constantly jacked into whats going on around me. And if I can’t/forget to, I get sick. Isn’t that internet addiction? Why yes, I do believe it is. But everyone doubts that it exists. Whatever. I know it exists. I experience it first hand all the time. The addiction of technology should be addressed also. It’s another I experience. Feeling the need to have the best and newest electronic gadget. When you get it, it’s like smoking a quarter bag of MJ. Addictive.

As for another thing that urks me about this government, is the fact that they feel like they need to dig fingers into every little thing. Kinda sad if you ask me. A supposedly ‘democratic’ nation is starting to become very North Korea-like. China already has more freedoms than we do at this point, and they are communist! And, to boot, their food is far better than ours. But that could be considered irrelevant. The thing that really gets me, is the fact that people blame the President. If you idiots actually knew how your own country worked, you’d realize that the people who really make things happen are those Congress men/women you choose to elect. Congress passes the laws you fucking retards. Not the President. He can pocket veto, but he can’t just outright make a law come into being. You voted the people in to do that for you. So suck it up. The supposed ‘Founding Fathers’ really screwed us when they wrote the Declaration of Independence and Bill of Rights. This country has decided to stick to them, considering it’s a sheet of paper written hundreds of years ago in an attempt to piss off England. Well it did that. And that was it’s purpose. It’s time for a revision. A re-write needs to occur. And honestly, sometime soon, a part of the US is going to wake up, and I do believe another civil war will break out. I do think it’s coming. People can’t stay in the dark forever. It’s impossible. I don’t await that day. It is never good for Brother to fight Brother.

That’s enough for my rantings today. It’s not that I hate the government. It’s just that I hate the people who run the government POORLY. And I could name a few.

Good day.

My Mind, and Ramblings

Honestly, I keep tossing around a few ideas for e-books. I feel like writing them, but my fingers can just be a bit too damn lazy. But that’s besides the point.

One is almost certainly a zombie-themed e-book. Considering I am constantly aware of the possibility of post-apocalyptic and quite obsessed, I would absolutely love creating a World War Z-ish style novel. My other is my other obsession: government oppression and tyranny.

At any rate. I figured I’d been away from my blog enough. I thought it’d be worthy to at least update with what I’ve been doing so far in my life. I have graduated high school. I am now a full-time employee for a third-party outsourcing telecommunications company that operates for a major American wireless provider. In other words, when you call Customer Service, I’m someone who answers. It’s not a bad job. Really it’s too easy. Pay isn’t that bad really either. Not much to live on, but when you don’t have many bills, it’s kinda hard to blow it all.

I’m still under drinking age. I do smoke. Cigarettes that is. A bit too much. My mother gets on to me about it occasionally. I plan on rising in the company. It’s easy enough to see it possibly becoming a career. Telecommunications is still a required and growing industry. No serious near future decrease. And with the issue of outsourcing, honestly, I’m still in the US, and I do speak fluent English (sometimes debatable). I’m becoming a hardcore Otaku. Me being jacked into the internet all the time has almost become an addiction. I still play Urban Dead. Poetry has taken a side-line for me. I don’t really have much inspiration these days. I am driven to express myself, however. Which is a good thing in these times of dwindling rights. I have registered to vote as an Independent. Perhaps the smartest move one can make these days. More likely than not, I’m on a watch list somewhere for something. Probably a suspected terrorist (LOL).

That’s another peeve of mine. It seems you can be marked a terrorist for just about anything these days. The fellow who shot up Fort Hood was a freaking Major and now he’s being accused of being a terrorist. Jesus Christ, you ignorant sheep. He was a MAJOR. Let me spell that out. M-A-J-O-R. That means he had more background checks run and constant observations than even those to be known terrorists. He was watched constantly. The military knew what he did, how he felt, and why he did it. Honestly, he had a damn good reason. Just because somebody is a Muslim doesn’t mean they are a freaking extremist. He was upset. He was pushed into a corner and ignored. He had every damn right to do what any cornered, military-trained person does when they flip. Shoot innocent people and cause general havoc. The manipulative and controlling media networks (who are owned by one political party or another) like to play off the fact he was a devout Muslim. When the Christian anti-abortionist blew up a fucking building, did people throw a fit cause he was Christian? Hell no. Honestly, people need to wake the hell up. It’s ridiculous how bent out of shape people are. When those two kids shot up a high school, they blamed music and then ultimately society. Now, cause someone who was being forced to do something that they have vocally and legally fought against, they are under the microscope because of his religious background. I honestly cannot wait till the day that any religion is persecuted. Then I will rub it in every practicing devout’s face that anything they do ‘out-of-the-norm’ will be targeted and picked-apart.

The English took America from the Indians in the name of exploration and expansion. The Americans took America away from the English in the name of freedom and independence. Who’s turn is it to take away something from this country? I hope to God something happens soon. Zombies, a meteor, something. It’d be nice for the American people to WAKE THE FUCK UP, and start actually doing something about their lives. Or for that matter, actually realize what is going on around them. It’s pathetic. At least the Middle Eastern’s have their shit together. They actually know their enemy. Americans jump at their own shadows, and think that any government that isn’t ‘democratic’ (which I hate to pop the bubble on that one, but America is far from democratic) is evil and needs to be stomped out. I root for the under dog. And if that makes me anti-American, then so be it. Till the day I die, I will be more of a patriot than those who wear suits, and sit in Congress all day claim to be. I’m actually a citizen that is aware and realizes whats about to happen. And when it does, I know I’ll be one of the first to go. But I won’t go down easy, of course. Such is life. They come at night in their black suits and hoods, heavily armed and silent. Taken, and erased. Sounds a lot like ‘1984′ for Christ’s sake. Sickening.

At any rate. My next idea is to write a political essay on the growing popularity of American dissension and turmoil. Ultimately, something that will soon be erased because it speaks out against how the government is run. I hope that one day 100 foot tall Indians come back from Mars and kick the shit out of us. I yearn for that day.

And as for those people who are so against Obama now… YOU VOTED HIM IN YOU DIPSHITS. SUCK IT UP AND DEAL WITH IT. /rant

I didn’t vote. And if I could have it would have been for Ron Paul. Cause he apparently is the only elected official that has a plan.

Good night.

Without A Cause

A man is but a man
Biological collection of cells, tissues, bones
Give a man a cause, however-
As it is said, ‘Ideas are bulletproof’
A man with a cause, ‘Invulnerable’-
Dulce Et Decorum Est

—-

I’ll be making a comeback.

First Short Story, and Poetry

Final Chapter

He had always been the hunter. His white Victorian face mask the nightmare of hundreds. A banging issues from down the hallway; a repetitive steady thumping of flesh on wood and metal. The mask tilts upwards. Contained in this red garbed mans hands are an ancient, yellowed tome with tiny, mechanical writing on the page. The book is almost to its end. Besides the rhythmic thumping issuing from the door leading to the hallway, the whisper of pages turning filled the silence. He is surrounded by oak book cases and a labyrinth of stacked books. Seemingly, this man has read each and every one. This building, once a public library is aging. The walls reek of mold and grime, the ceilings buckled from water damage and neglect. The room is illuminated from outside; the steady flickering blaze of the nearby mall. The radio in the corner, propped up on a desk built of books, is constantly buzzing with noise. “–Help! They are everywhere! The mall is overrun… We are making a stand in the hardware store! Anyone that can hear this, get the hell–”, the man in red has padded over to the radio and turned it off. The firelight flickers on the white mask, the ceiling windows basking the room in soft orange light. The white mask tips gently to the side, as if listening. Over the blaze of the mall, merely a few blocks away, moans, groans are heard from outside. The entrancing cacophony of thumping is still issuing from the mountain of furniture outside the doorway in the dark, dank hallway. The man in red turns, carefully wading through the maze of books that his own red gloved hands had built. A crash causes the masked man to pause, listening. The wooden desk from atop the pile had been shaken loose, shattering on the linoleum below. His almost finished book laying open on the ground, the man in red pauses. His white mask is level, facing the open doorway. His hands flexing at his sides, the leather of his gun belts creak as he slides his left foot slightly ahead of his right. More groans and thumping can be heard now. The mountain of the furniture is now only a hill. Dark shapes can be seen behind it. Rotten, broken fingers grab and pull at the barricades, carefully breaking them down. A cloud of pestilence and death chases the breeze from the now open entrance way. A leering jack-o-lantern face peers into the room that the masked man occupies. He draws, the cool slap of metal on leather is quickly overpowered by the explosive gunshots that light up the room, briefly illuminating the gathering horde of demons occupying the once sacred hallway. The face implodes, brains splattering the wall and congealed blood flecking the ceiling. Other faces are now appearing, each met with explosions and flashes of their own. Carefully, the man reloads his death-dealers, allowing the creatures to begin entering the room. A carefully expanding lake of congealed fluids and blood begin to pool around the doorway. It seemed that he spent hours reloading and blasting away at the endless stream of undead that choked his home. Finally, as if a switch had been flipped, or a faucet turned off, the stream stopped all at once. Surrounding the red clothed man is a ocean of black, red, and crimson fluids. A mass of bodies fill the doorway to the room, shattered and broken. Books and shelving lay scattered, blood covered and gore soaked around the room. The man in the white mask pauses, an audible sigh issuing from within. He slips his dealers of death back into their leathery crypts, the worn metal seeming to sigh on their own accord. The man wearing the red clothing, and white mask pauses. A smile appears on his lips, but the mask hides this. However, the mask does not hide what he says next.

“At least I am allowed to finish the final chapter. I say Thankee Sai. Long days and pleasant nights.”

He pauses, examining the damage he had wrought. He bends, picking up the book that he had been forced to stop reading by these rude creatures of the night. Carefully tucking the book within his red cloak, the white masked man turns and carefully pads past the pile of rotting corpses. His red leather boots now covered in red fluids better left to the imagination. He turns, now outside his library to turn and look into the night. Shapes dash, followed by many others. A grin appears once more, still hidden. He turns down the nearby alley, and disappears into the scream filled night.

——

Life of Crime

A life of crime
Perhaps most bountiful, rewarding
Good die young, wicked grow old
Parable to live life by
Steal a wallet, rob a house
Jack a car, use a stolen credit card
Money is the goal, greed on the soul
Till your caught
All is then naught

——

Life’s a Bitch

They say that life’s a bitch
And then you die
Alas the truth, who said was wise
The Sage of the Age
Birth is pain, life is pain, death too
Facts of life spoken true
Say Thankee Sai, then go die

——

Rorschach

Rumored to be bold, a theif in the night
Bane of criminals; rapists, theifs, murderers all
He only sees black and white
Good versus evil occupies his life
A true Legend of Darkness

——

Scars

Scars tell stories
Histories, biographys
They speak of abuse
Crimes of passion, agony
Of the blood spilled for a cause
My scars speak of accidents
They speak of suffering and ecstacy
Warmth of opiates and scalpels
Mistakes made, consequences followed

——

Beside the Sea

Beside the sea, not where I want to be
Perhaps the mountains, where the air is clear
I’ve never understood the sun created by He
My skin is shallow, sallow, pale has significant reason to fear

Dreaming

Inspired by the dreams that people have while researching ‘dreaming’ in Psychology, I wrote this poem. Quite religious. I hope you enjoy it.
——

Dream

I was God
The seas rose at my beckon
My blood fed the nations
Most holy, King, Lord

I raised armies, continents, mountains
Countries formed and died at my will
My breath was a gale
Torrents, tsunamis flooded from my eyes

I created life, nursed and raised
Human beings formed with my image
My hands created the stars, universes
Angels praised, honored most high

All that is over
I’ve finally awoken
A lowly parasite, blight on the Earth
My eyes open, the day begins, sun shines in
Once Great, Now Fallen
Forever trapped within a fleshy, weak corpse